


As Old as Your Omens

by pulltab (Dekka)



Category: Video Blogging RPF, youtube - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Coming Out, M/M, self injury, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-17
Updated: 2018-10-17
Packaged: 2019-08-03 10:57:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,681
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16324949
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dekka/pseuds/pulltab
Summary: “I kissed him,” Colby says simply, his shoulders shrugging and lip trembling as the words seem to press the weight of the world onto his back, forcing him to curl into himself.(First chapter is told from Elton's pov)





	As Old as Your Omens

**Author's Note:**

> TW: anxiety attack, violence, self injury, and talk of suicide

Seeing Colby angry is a once in a lifetime experience. Sam swears he’s seen him pissed off, but Elton’s willing to bet that even then it wasn’t the type of anger he’s imagining. 

Anger, to him, is red hot. It’s bruising with intent, a itch under your skin that drives you towards madness, like a hair-pin trigger. 

In the short year Elton’s known the kid, he’s seen him play at anger, a smile somehow always downing his face, even as he curses them out or huffs out a laugh at a prank, like the time Elton wrapped his car. 

To him, it’s just fundamental knowledge; Colby Brock doesnt get angry the way most people do. If you really upset him, he goes quiet and goes off by himself and somehow always comes back centered and okay again. It’s mystifying. Especially to someone like Elton, who admittedly has let anger get the best of him more than once. 

So, on a seemingly regular Tuesday night, when the front door slams open and Colby storms straight past them to the steps, Elton’s out of his seat before he even has time to process what’s happening. 

“Colby?” Sam yells after his best friend, only two steps behind Elton. A look back at the couch shows Jake, Aaron, and Corey just as wide eyed. 

Above them, a bedroom door slams, and the house seems to rattle around the tangible tension in the air. 

“What the fuck,” Corey whispers. They’ve descended into an uneasy silence, looking to each other for answers. 

“Should we give him some space?” Aaron asks. He’s always been the least comfortable with confrontation, and seeing him with his arms wrapped around himself, looking sick at the idea of Colby so hurt sets off something parental in Elton. It’s times like these when he’s reminded of just how young his housemates really are. 

“I’ve never seen him like that,” Jake admits, when they all glance from one another, trying to figure out the best plan of action. 

“Me either.” Sam is still stood at attention, his eyes trained on the staircase as if hoping Colby will just waltz back down, a camera in hand, promising that it was just a prank. 

All options are taken out of their hands at the sound of the first crash. 

Somehow, the sick feeling of worry makes the noise sound catastrophic. It’s followed again and again by louder crashes, but they’re already moving, skipping steps to get to Colby’s room. 

Being the oldest, Elton worries over the rest of the guys. He remembers being that age like it was yesterday, feeling the pressure to be an adult while still being hopelessly lost with the direction your life is taking. It’s an age where you’re still learning everyday, an age where emotions sometimes lead you down dark paths. 

Elton’s lost people at twenty one; best friends, girlfriends, and in a few cases even family members sometimes make it difficult to hold on, or hold out. 

Sam gets to the door first, calling Colby’s name as he pounds against unforgiving wood. It’s locked and Elton’s not willing to wait any longer to let this play out, knowing just how dangerous Colby could be to himself right now. 

“Stand back,” he commands, tugging Sam away. He doesnt feel any pain as his shoulder connects with the wood of the door, the handle and hinges breaking easily against his adrenaline rush.

Stumbling into the room one after another leaves them frozen again. 

The surprise of it all at least seems to have shocked Colby enough to put him at a stand-still. In the midst of all the damage, he hovers, panting heavily, his hand at his side in a fist that’s dripping blood. 

The room is a disaster. Furniture and glass alike lay shattered around him like hail. The catastrophic crashes they heard felt amplified by their anxiety, but the damage done is just as bad, if not worse, than what Elton imagined. 

“Colby-” Sam starts, stepping towards him, but Elton puts out an arm, afraid at the reaction they might get from touching him as he pants, wild eyed, still shocked at their entrance. He’s clearly so wrapped up in his head that Elton wonders if he can even hear them. 

“What’s up man?” He asks, purposely careful and neutral. Sam struggles minutely against his hold, but Elton refuses to let the younger guys past him. He knows he’s the only one who knows how to take down someone safely and effectively without getting either of them hurt, but he’s hoping it wont come to that. 

“I’m fine,” Colby says, through gritted teeth, as if evidence to the contrary isn’t surrounding them like a physical manifestation of his pain. 

“Clearly fine,” Corey huffs sarcastically. 

Elton shoots him a look that has him stepping back into the doorway. This isn’t a situation anyone wants escalated. 

Turning his attention back to Colby, he can see a little bit of the guy he knows coming through. There’s obvious regret shrouding his face as he stares down at the blood pooling in his palm and around his knuckles. 

“Colby?” Elton asks. His voice, even to his own ears, sounds carefully stunted. 

But Colby’s eyes don’t meet his, instead sweeping over the destroyed room, settling on a lightbulb smashed against his wall. “I liked that lamp,” Colby jokes lifelessly, following the trail of pieces to the splintered wood of its stand.

There’s something eerie about how monotone he is only seconds after tearing apart things he’s worked hard for and made a home with. 

“Can I take a look at your hand?” Elton asks, reaching out his own so that Colby has the opinion of coming to him. 

“It doesnt hurt,” Colby says, unmoving, his eyes challenging Elton to push the issue. 

Sam takes his distraction in stride, pushing past him to shake sense into his best friend. 

“You’re going to come with me,” he says, eyes seeming to bare into Colby’s, “and we’re going to clean this up.” It’s impressive, the way Sam stands like a mountain, cutting through the fog surrounding Colby.

“Okay,” he agrees, as if it was that easy all along. 

“We’ll get a broom and some garbage bags,” Aaron offers. Still, Colby’s eyes don’t leave Sam’s. He follows him like a zombie, being lead only by the hand his best friend has wrapped in a pinching grip around his wrist. 

But despite Sam getting through to Colby, Elton’s not willing to leave them alone, afraid of the vacant look Colby has yet to fully shake, so he follows them to the tight space of their bathroom, silently hovering as Sam pushes Colby to sit on the closed lid of the toilet. It’s only once Colby is settled that Sam makes himself comfortable on the lip of the tub, gently pulling Colby’s hand forward to cradle in his lap. 

“So, what happened?” Elton asks carefully, as Sam meticulously picks glass away from flesh. 

There’s a barely-there shake of Colby’s head, closely followed by a wince and the eventual sound of glass hitting the bottom of the waste basket next to them. 

“Well?” Sam asks impatiently, freezing his movements to meet Colby’s stare head-on.

There’s a silent stand off between the two, for long enough that Elton nearly gives up on waiting for an answer, making himself comfortable on the bathroom counter-top.

“It doesnt matter,” Colby finally says, matter of factly. 

Elton forces himself to appear unbothered by the answer, knowing that responding with anger and annoyance only creates more anger and annoyance. 

“You were with Brennen today,” Sam pushes, obviously searching. In response Colby’s eyes pointedly fall to the floor, studying his shoes with false interest. 

This is the Colby Elton knows, the one that finds solace in silence when hurt. 

“Tell me what happened,” Sam demands. 

Colby’s eyes nervously skip between them, a shine to them. A second later his leg jumps anxiously and somehow his gaze ends up locked there, refusing to look at them.  
“I’ll call him if you don’t answer,” Sam threatens. Elton’s warnings not to escalate things have officially been tossed aside carelessly. 

“I-” Colby chokes over his words. He’s visibly started to shake, his breathing shooting from nearly-comatose to a too-fast pace that has Elton bending down on the ground by him, helplessly soothing a hand down the younger’s back as the kid fights to breathe. 

“Colby I’m sorry,” Sam quickly apologizes, realizing he pushed too far. 

The responding sob that Colby tries to smother with his good hand echoes heartbreakingly through the bathroom. 

It’s not much longer after that, that Colby tears his bloodied hand from Sam’s hold, covering his face to hide his shame. 

Just barely, Elton can hear him trying to say something between gasped, broken breaths. 

“Take your time, it’s okay,” he promises, but Colby just shakes harder. 

“I promise, man, we can get you through whatever this is,” Sam begs. 

If this goes on for any longer Elton knows they’ll have to do something. For a second he even wonders if letting Colby pass out from his panic attack would be better for the kid, but that thought is pushed away as he finally drops his hands from his face. 

The mood swings are starting to throw Elton. 

Colby seems numb again now, his breathing still sporadic and body still shaking, as he stares lifelessly at the glass pieces that were picked from his skin. 

“I kissed him,” he says simply, his shoulders shrugging and lip trembling as the words seem to press the weight of the world onto his back, forcing him to curl into himself. 

Elton doesnt take a second to spare a glance at Sam or bask in the shock of Colby’s words, too busy forcing himself to keep up the steadying up-down motion over the spans of the kid’s back. 

“Hey,” he prods gently, forcing Colby to look at him. The gaze he meets is desperate for acceptance, Colby’s eyes rimmed red and breath held. 

“Thank you for telling us. We love you, man.” He doesnt expect the full weight of Colby to topple him as the kid falls into his chest, his sobs redoubled as he clings to Elton. 

“It’s okay, you’re okay,” Elton finds himself promising on a loop. Colby isn’t the first person to come out to him; it’s taken him time to learn how to react appropriately, so as he sits on the bathroom floor with Colby clinging to him, he finds the mind to gauge Sam’s reaction. What he finds makes his stomach sink. 

Sam looks furious. 

“Snap out of it,” Elton mouths, a warning on his face as he kicks at the younger stealthily. 

Colby doesnt notice the movement, still shakily forcing himself to focus on his breathing. 

“Another breath, nice and slow, you can do it,” Elton coaches. 

It feels like hours before Colby finally finds his breath, smearing his face with blood as he tries to clear away tears. 

Sam still doesnt look anymore put together, despite being the one just minutes ago to force Colby to snap out of his own spell of anger. Between the two of them, Elton feels like he’s going to have his hands full for a while. 

“I’m sorry,” Colby tries to apologize, but Elton shakes his head, pushing gently at the younger’s shoulder. “Dont apologize,” he chastises. It feels like things will finally be alright, when Colby notices Sam’s silence. 

“Sam?” He asks. He sounds so young, so hopeful. 

Elton cant watch as Sam shakes his head in poorly concealed anger, turning away from them. The reaction doesnt make sense, to him. He knows Sam preaches that love is love, so he can only imagine that he’s mad at Colby for keeping something like this from him. 

He finds himself reaching out to comfort Colby when something in the air seems to snap. 

“I’ll fucking kill him,” Sam nearly growls, turning back to them. “What did he do? Why were you so upset? Was he mean? I swear to fuck Colby they’ll never find a body.” 

The onslaught of words has Colby wide-eyed and silent, and Elton, smiling, impressed. 

“No,” Colby’s quick to promise, “It wasn’t like that.” 

“Then what was it like?” Elton asks carefully, not wanting Colby to start panicking again. 

Thankfully, the only distress he actively shows is the way his fingers thread through his hair. 

“He pushed me away, but that’s understandable. It kind of came out of nowhere. I just- I was scared and mad at myself and I just kind of booked it.” He’s back to looking so hopelessly lost that Elton cant help but pull him back into his side. 

“Just give it- and him- time. You can talk to him when you’re ready,” he tells Colby. These things don’t fix themselves in hours, sometimes not even over days. 

Finally calmed down, knowing his best friend wasn’t hurt, Sam settles at Colby’s side, gently nudging his friend’s shoulder with his own. “And if he’s a jerk, you tell me,” he playfully threatens. 

With the protective streak Sam showed tonight, Elton doesnt doubt the damage the kid could cause.

Probably imaging Sam beating the shit out of Brennen, half of a laugh bubbles out of Colby, surprising all of them. It’s proof enough that everything will be okay. 

“Hey guys,” Corey interrupts, poking his head in. His anxious tone seems to settle at seeing them piled together and smiling. 

“What’s up?” Sam asks. 

Corey grimaces before looking to Colby. “Brennen just showed up, he’s freaking out a bit. I told him you’re not up for company right now, but I honestly don’t think Jake and Aaron can hold him much longer.” 

Elton will be the first to admit that he’s impressed with these guys. It’s not everyday your best friend comes out to you, or kisses you, and Sam and Brennen have clearly taken it in stride.

Deep in his gut, it makes him feel a certain type of melancholy, knowing that at their age he was still surrounded by so much hate and anger, but he’s happy for these guys, knowing they’ve surrounded themselves with people who’re willing to pull them through the fire when things get rough. 

Against him, Colby shifts nervously, and Elton tries to get a read on him but he cant. 

“He can come up,” Colby decides, surprising him, not backing down even when both Elton and Sam start voicing their objections. 

“I’m good,” he promises them both. The blood matted in his hair, smeared across his cheek, and still dripping from his hand tells a different story. 

“You should clean up first then,” Sam cautiously tells him. 

Colby’s halfway to agreeing when yells coming from the hallway reach them. 

“ _Where is he_?” It’s Brennen’s voice. 

“I’ll handle it,” Elton promises, “you should shower. Sam, you should stay in here.”

“I’m fine,” Colby tries to protest, but he must see the residual worry on Elton’s face, because his mouth snaps shut, his smile thin. 

Over Elton’s short twenty seven years he’s heard too many horror stories of people taking their own life after promising that they’re fine. He knows the feelings that forced Colby to tear apart his room and himself aren’t far enough gone for him to be completely okay. 

“I’ll be just downstairs if you need anything,” he tells them. 

He doesnt know what to expect as he meets Brennen halfway up the steps, Jake and Aaron uselessly trying to hold him back. 

“Colby just needs some time to shower, he’ll be down in twenty,” he reasons with Brennen, whose eyes wont even meet his, still frantically looking upstairs for a glimpse of Colby. 

Elton’s patience is wearing thin.

“Common, kid,” he tries again, but Brennen just shoves his hands away. 

It’s not often that he’s tempted to use one of his wrestling moves from back in the day, but it’s been a long, long night. 

Throwing Brennen over his shoulder is easy. It’s the squirming that makes the trek down the stairs a pain in the ass.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments feed the writer :) let me know if you'd like a second chapter and whose perspective you'd like to see it told from! 
> 
> Also: should Colby end up with Brennen or Sam? ;)


End file.
